Pop Pop Poppity Popcorn

I've been craving popcorn lately.  Like to the point that Tom made some soup the other night and I thought it smelled like popcorn and I kept asking him if he actually made popcorn not soup and was just hiding the popcorn from me.
I understand that I could actually just throw a bag of popcorn in the microwave to cure this craving, however I would eat the entire bag and then feel awful.  So I have been resisting.
That is until yesterday.  Yesterday the Polar Arctic Freeze wave hit North Carolina and it went from 60* to 9* in like an hour.  Of course this happened the day I had to take the damn dogs to the vet.  Which of course I had so carefully planned so that I could walk them to the vet so they wouldn't loose their damn minds / rip my arm off getting to ride in the car and go into a new place.  So yesterday I walked the dogs 1.5 miles to the vet and 1.5 miles back home in 9* weather, which I believed allowed me to succumb to my recent craving of popcorn.
Now again, you would think I could just throw a bag in the microwave and be done with it.  BUT the problem still existed that I would eat the entire bag and feel like barfing afterwards.  Also the apartment would smell like popcorn for the next year and every time I walked in I would want more popcorn.  So what is a girl to do???
Luckily I also needed to buy a special kind of battery for our scale at home.  I knew they sold them across the street from where I work at Ace Hardware....
Ace Hardware has popcorn machines and free popcorn for customers.
I literally left work in 9* weather drove across the street to Ace Hardware picked up my battery and a key chain, paid, got my free bag of popcorn and went back to work.  Craving satisfied, didn't feel like barfing.

I am very resourceful :)

Now head on over to your local Ace Hardware to get your free popcorn and a new key chain.  I promise it's worth it!

XO XO,
Molly

blurbtinis minus the cake

The other day I was trying to find out if you can share Google Play Books with a Kindle.  I typed into my Google search bar "can you sh" and suggestions of what I might be searching for started popping up.  The first suggestion was "can you shoot up xanex", the second suggestion was "can you shoot a gun in space", and the third suggestion that popped up was "can you shoot molly".  I immediately stopped looking at the suggestions because A.) I didn't want to know the answer to suggestion three, and B.) I didn't want to know what else people were wondering if they could shoot.  I finally did get my answer, and no, you cannot share Google Play Books with a Kindle.  However, you can shoot up xanex if you're wondering.

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When I first met Tom he did not know how to tie a tie.  This is not a slight at Tom it is just a fact.  He didn't need to know how to tie one.  He hated dressing up and it took him about 15 minutes to get his dress shirt tucked into his dress pants.  I remember when he was getting ready for his White Coat Ceremony at the beginning of medical school he got all sweaty, angry and flustered because he hated getting dressed up so much.  He even faked a choking noise when I buttoned the top button on his shirt and put his tie on.

However now he can tie a tie in his sleep and can get completely ready and out the door in the time it used to take him to tuck in his shirt.  There are no longer choking noises when he puts his tie on, and his shirt is not pitted out before he gets somewhere.

Last weekend he had to travel to Oklahoma with the Women's Basketball team.  Usually on travel days he either wears a warm up suit like the team or a shirt and tie.  This weekend when he was getting packed up and ready to leave I asked him was he wearing his warm up suit or shirt and tie on the plane.  His answer literally made my jaw drop..."I'm more comfortable in the shirt and tie so I'll wear that."  Never in a million years did I ever think I would hear the words I'm more comfortable in a shirt and tie over sweat pants come out of my husbands mouth!

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The other night Tom and I were watching the show "Tanked" on Netflix.  It's super funny and I highly recommend it.  Anyway, someone on the show said, "Building that tank was no cakewalk" and it got me to thinking...

First of all I started thinking about how good some cake would be.

Secondly I started thinking about the saying, "easy as a cakewalk or that was no cakewalk".  The saying "cakewalk" is meant to mean a task that is suuper easy.  However, if you think back to your elementary school "Fun Night" days you might remember a game called The Cake Walk.  It was my favorite game because you needed absolutely no skill.  It was as easy as the game where you picked a lollipop out of the cardboard cut-out tree.  For the cake walk all you did was walk around in a circle to music.  When the music stopped you looked down to see what number you were standing on.  Then the mom or dad running the game picked a number out of a hat and if you were standing on that number you won a cake!  Suuper easy right?  Except the problem I have is, I never won a damn cake.  No matter how many times I walked around the stupid circle I never won.  So really cakewalk is not easy unless you win the cake.  Then I guess it's ok if you use the saying, but only if you really won a cake.

XO XO,

Cakeless Molly

Funny Crap Found on Groupon

Today at work I had to go through those daily deal sites (living social, amazon local, groupon) to see what fitness deals were currently running.  Well I of course got distracted looking at all of the other great "deals" on the sites.  And lucky for you came across some pretty amazing stuff that is totally worth sharing.  So without further adieu I bring you a new segment I like to call, "Funny Crap Found on Groupon".

First up we have "Silent Snooz" which I was seriously contemplating buying for Tom.  But then I got concerned.  Does "Silent Snooz" make your hair turn green?  I'm not sure there are any research findings correlating hair color to snoring.  I mean if all it took was dying Tom's hair green to get the snoring to stop we would have to have a serious conversation.  But if buying and using "Silent Snooz" turns hair green then I think the FDA or someone needs to step in.  Also, I can pretty much promise you that no one actually sleeps in that position with pleasant sleepy smiles on their faces.

Now at first glance you might think you are looking at the sweet honey bear.  You might think maybe you are looking at clear honey.  But oh no my friends look closer.  You are actually looking at "Nature Lovin' Lubricant"!  Seriously couldn't they have found a more appropriate bottle?  If a kid saw this they might try to put it on their toast.  They are advertising for a Koala type on the red labeled bottle so couldn't they have used a Koala bottle instead.  I feel like my sweet honey bear will never be the same.  Oh also, what if you were actually stupid enough to buy this and in the heat of the moment picked up your honey bottle instead of your lube bottle.  Well lets just say you would be in a very sticky situation.

A pet tent.  First of all if you were trying to sell this product wouldn't you try and get a pet who looked happy to be in your pet tent?  These cats looked pissed.  They're probably thinking, "Where the F is my litter box?  I'm an indoor cat...you're not fooling me I know I'm not inside."  Also if you put a real pet in there like a dog they would probably flip the bitch over and escape within a minute and then you would not be reading peacefully on  your lounger you would be chasing your dog.  Lastly if you're in a fenced area as in this picture do you really need a pet tent?  Does the fence not work well enough?  If you think your pet can escape a rod iron fence I'm pretty sure they are going to escape the stupid pet tent.  Just sayin'.

Now I'm the first to admit that I have absolutely NO artistic abilities, but I'm pretty sure I could have painted this picture.  In fact I'm pretty sure my almost 2 year old nephew could have painted this picture.  Who would spend $69.99 on this?  And that is the groupon deal price.  Originally it was $129.99.  I mean really.  I can splatter paint.  Does anyone want to pay me $50 to splatter paint?  That's better than the groupon deal.  I feel like this painter's mom is to blame.  Maybe if she would have just been honest with her child and told them painting might not be their best skill they wouldn't have to be trying to sell paint splatter on groupon.  I mean you don't see me trying to sell my soccer skills on groupon because my mom told me, "maybe soccer just isn't your thing...let's try something else!"  After she made me go to goalie camp and found out I was scared of the ball.

I feel like I just don't have words for this one.  I mean I get it.  Sometimes you are sitting for a long time but really it's not like you are sitting all day.  It's like a shoe insole for your butt.  Except I get the shoe insole thing because sometimes you are on your feet all day.  One time when I was "sick" I spent a lot of time sitting on the toilet.  I never once remember thinking, "man I wish I had a comfort gel toilet cushion".  I think pretty much people's main objective is to take care of business as quickly as possible and get off the toilet seat.  Am I wrong???

And that my friends is "Funny Crap Found on Groupon!"  I hope you all have a day that does not necessitate a comfort gel toilet cushion.

XO XO,

Molly

Dumb & Dumber & Blonde

Ok guys seriously I think I am getting dumber.  Like for real.  I've already been on webmd to research short term memory loss.  There was a link to take a test to see if you can remember stuff or how smart you are or something and I failed.  I mean I've never thought of myself as super smart or anything, but I tried not to fit the "dumb blonde" stereotype.  But I think it is catching up with me!  I'm worried I think...well I can't remember but I feel like it should be something I am worried about.
An example...the other night I was watching Drugs Inc. on the Natgeo channel and they were talking about the conversion of pesos to dollars and I couldn't figure it out in my head.  My brain literally went blank.  Maybe when you watch shows about Drugs it makes your brain think you are doing drugs, although I don't think so because then a lot of drug dealers would be out their pesos or dollars and more people would just watch the movie blow or the documentary on Snoop Dog Lion when he becomes a Rastafarian in Jamaica.
And now I've sidetracked my brain and can't remember where I was going next with this post.  My brain is literally blank.
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Lets just chill with this cutie for a second while I think.  Also doesn't this look fun?!?!?!

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Another example, when we were packing for the drive down to North Caroline in July I forgot to pack deodorant.  A daily routine item I completely forgot about.  I had to use Tom's deodorant the entire trip.  After two days in a car, 90degrees outside, and very rarely using the air conditioner because "we have to try and get good miles per gallon" I smelled like a man.  Also I was a little turned on by myself because I smelled like Tom but thats a whole other story for a whole other post!
I don't know what it is about deodorant lately but I also just completely forgot to put it on yesterday.  Luckily I work at a Personal Training Studio and there is deodorant in the bathrooms for people to use.
I've never been like this before.  Tom says I just have too much on my mind, but when he says that I think, "That's the problem nothing is on my mind.  I can't even think of anything that should be on my mind."  Basically I'm telling you all this so that if you see me with a weird look on my face you can rest assured I didn't just crap my pants I am just trying to think of something.  Oh, also if you ask me to do something make sure I write it down because otherwise there is a 99% chance it won't get done.  Not because I didn't want to do it or because I was busy but because I forgot.  Tom is going to reserve a spot for me in the memory care nursing home soon and update his e-harmony account...joking (hopefully)!


XO XO,
Forgetful Molly

Grumble, Grumble, Grumble

My sister-in-law called me out today...
"Dude, what's up with your lack of blogging?"

Writers block, that's what's up.

I am not feeling creative or funny.  I'm tired.  I thought the sunshine would help.  Nope.

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Also I weighed myself this morning and seriously I think my body is on strike.  I am working out no less than 4 days a week (usually 5) and tracking every GD thing I eat.  My clothes are loose, I packed away my winter clothes and brought out the Spring/Summer clothes and a bunch of stuff that didn't fit last year fits now, but the scale is not going down.

It probably didn't help that I ate out Thursday night, Saturday night, and Sunday twice.  It was for a good cause however, Kim's Birthday!  The Tums and I have become quite close in the last few days.

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I've also decided I am officially old.  If Tums are now a staple in my weekly grocery shopping and Tom keeps some on his night stand, we are officially old.  We have successfully skipped parenthood and gone straight to old people.  We also may or may not have prune juice, a blood pressure monitor, and wear slippers inside.  Help.

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My work got me an Administrative Professionals day card with a gift card.  It was a day late.  They said it was because I didn't remind them.  REALLY?!?!?

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Well my friends, stick with me.  Hopefully I'll get out of this slump soon and my usual charm and wit will be back.  Until then grumble on.

XO XO

Random Tuesday

Randomness #1:

Last night I went to the grocery store.  There were a series of ads where you checkout.

Apparently Addie got a modeling gig I was unaware of :)  Seriously though, doesn't that look just like Addie who is in the right picture???  I told my Dad she was available for his next advertising campaign.  Ha!

Randomness #2:

I woke up this morning with three bruises on my leg.  I have no idea how I got them.

Randomness #3:

 Have you ever ridden in a limo with all the lights on???  It's like sitting in a hot tub without the jets on...awkward.  AND, why is it whenever the jets go off the naked people are always the first to jump out to turn them back on?  Seriously people, let the clothed people take care of it...we don't mind.

Randomness #4:

 We very rarely have ice cream in the house, but when we do I try to buy frozen yogurt or at least the low fat stuff.  I usually get cookie dough (obviously) or cookies & cream.  The other day I accidentally bought real cookie dough ice cream.  DID YOU KNOW THEY PUT WAAAAAY MORE BIG CHUNKS OF COOKIE DOUGH IN THE REAL STUFF?!?!?!?!?!?!?  I feel like I've been totally ripped off.  I thought I was just buying the low fat ice cream part not low fat mix-in's.  So, basically I am saying I want low fat vanilla ice cream with full fat, big chunks of cookie dough.  Does that diminish the purpose of low fat ice cream???

Randomness #5:

Tom tried to teach me how to use the snow blower.  I felt like it went really well.  He felt like it went really not well.  We still have some lessons ahead of us.

XO XO,

My Dog is a Model