WRONG.
As I was hanging up the phone with the office after scheduling the appointment I heard those dreaded words. Seven little words that you just know are going to change the rest of your week until the appointment. Seven words that mean you can't just let the dogs be dogs. Seven words that are the most dreaded words to a pet owner. Seven words...that's all.
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We're going to need a stool sample.
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*$?@! *$&@#*!&@# = my reaction. Wednesday (3 days before the appointment) I pull out two plastic sandwich baggies and write in permanent marker "Rocky" on one and "Addie" on another. I then turn the baggies inside out so when you grab the "thimble size amount of stool sample" it is in the inside of the baggie and you can zip it up with their name on the outside. (This isn't my first rodeo.) Finally I put the baggies in the mudroom on the door handle of the door we let the dogs out of so they are RIGHT THERE when the time comes. I tell Tom I've done all of this and that we really need to pay attention when we let them out because we need this by Friday afternoon. Tom's response? "They never poop when I let them out." Really Tom??? Really????? That's how your going to play this game??? @^!&^@*&$
I swear once the dogs see the plastic baggies they know and get shy. Rocky is always a private pooper, going behind the shed to do his biznezz, but Addie will normally take a shit anywhere (she's very liberal). But once they see those baggies they're like, "Nope not pooping in the flat grassy area now, gonna go down the hill in the farthest back tree line corner. HAHA come and find me now!"
So Wednesday was unsuccessful. Thursday I tried hiding the baggies, but that didn't help either. By Thursday night I was desperate. It was late. I was ready for bed. It was cold and dark. I had to let them out one more time. So I threw on my big honking snow boots, Tom's big coat grabbed the baggies and headed out with them to try and follow them around the back yard. Of course they go in two completely opposite directions, so I try and stand in the middle of both of them flipping my head back and forth like I'm at a tennis match.
Then it happens...Rocky starts turning circles and sniffing. I don't want to scare him off so I stand super still and wait. He finishes and I start to walk into the line of trees to get it and POOF! the motion sensor light turns off. I jump and wave my hands and it doesn't turn back on. I try and memorize exactly where I am and start walking back up the hill towards the light to get it to turn on. Finally it turns back on. I walk back to the place I so carefully memorized only to find no poop. Now here is where I should have thought, "go get a flashlight" but I was tired and my brain wasn't thinking and also it was really cold. So instead of going inside to get a flashlight I start sniffing. Yep here I am in the middle of the night in my pj's, snow boots, and Tom's coat sniffing around the back yard for dog shit. What has my life come to?!?
I quickly realize this is ridiculous after touching (through the baggie) the same pile of poop three times to see if its warm and go back inside defeated once again.
I had one more opportunity and I had to get both dogs to poop at the same time and be able to find it and it will be in the morning which means I have to get my lazy ass out of bed with enough time to spare for all this rigamaroll. You can imagine how happy I was about this. Especially when I pulled myself out of bed and Tom continued to snore away.
I sleepily climbed into my poop scooping uniform from the night before and had a come to Jesus meeting with the dogs before letting them out. Luckily both dogs listened (there may have been some divine intervention happening too) and I was able to collect both samples for the upcoming appointment with no further problems (except getting a twig stuck in my hair).
Those of you who say dogs don't prepare you in anyway for having kids must be kidding right?!?!? I better not ever have to chase my kid around looking for their poop in the middle of the freezing cold night in the backyard (but I guess I will if I have to).
XO XO,
I've dealt with enough dog poop for my life Molly
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