Overwhelmed...And Part Deux

I'd first like to start off by saying, "Thank You", to all of you.  Your support, encouragement, and love is overwhelming.  Yesterday was a bit of an emotional roller-coaster that I was seriously under-prepared for.  I feel good though.  Getting my story out there.  Which was the point.  I didn't write the post so people would feel sorry for me, or tell me how much having a miscarriage sucks, or write me nice notes to make me feel good.  I wrote it so maybe other people in my situation would know they aren't alone and that we are all here for each other with an unquestioning understanding of how we feel.
The best support I got (outside of Tom and our parents) was from two friends who had gone through this same thing.  They understood my irrational thinking and equalized it with their own stories.  They understood the struggle to go back to the Dr. for the follow up appointment and be the only one not holding a new born or the only one not pregnant in the waiting room.  They got how lost I felt...they just got it.  Without those two checking in on me almost daily, my Mom dropping everything to come to Minnesota for a week (she also helped us pack because oh yeah we were still moving in less than a month), and my "rock" of a husband, I'm not sure I would have gotten out of bed ever again.  I mean maybe that's a bit of an exaggeration...maybe.
But lets move on...yesterday I left off questioning how we were going to figure out what to do next.....

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At this point it was mid-June.  The house was sold.  Some of our stuff was already in storage.  I had given notice to my boss.  We had a two-bedroom apartment waiting for us in Durham, NC.  I had nothing really lined up as far as work went in NC.  And now, the one thing that was dictating these decisions was gone.

We were once again in a position of having to make major life decisions without much time to contemplate them.

Luckily both of our parents are pretty level headed and were able to help us sort things through.  The most important being: Was Molly moving to North Carolina or not???  I answered that question pretty quickly, yes.  I'm really not sure how I initially thought we were going to be ok living separately for a year.  Once it was determined that I was moving everything else pretty much fell in to place.

My parents got us a P.O.D to load all our stuff that was going to NC.

It's funny because the P.O.D. was so organized until we just started throwing shit in at the end.  A quick shout out to Tom's brother, Jeff.  Seriously we couldn't have had a successful move without him!

After the P.O.D. was loaded and gone the house was empty.  Literally.  We were sleeping on an air mattress.  At one point I pulled our patio lounger that was staying in MN inside so we had somewhere to sit.  Luckily for Tom he only had to live this way a few days.  For me?  2 months.  2 months on an air mattress is a looooong time.  Thankfully Tom's parents let me move in with them once I had closed on the house.

See, Tom had to start his fellowship August 1st.  The closing was not until August 12(?).  And my last day of work was August 30.  The best part?  We had to sign papers to make me Tom's power of attorney so he didn't have to be present at the closing.  I told him I get to make all major decisions now since I'm his attorney :)  Needless to say that didn't go over very well!

I ended up staying in MN until the end of August.  I had a few commitments to my job I needed to finish, plus I felt bad leaving them high and dry after accepting the promotion and promising them I wasn't leaving.  Whoops!

The time away from Tom was tough.  Again, not sure how we thought a year away was going to work.  We chatted online for, like, 2 hrs everyday...

...and things got pretty serious :)  I just got a little T.O'd because he never even sent me a full body shot!!  Oh Napoleon how I love you!  ***FYI Mom that was a quote from a movie.  I wasn't doing anything naughty online :)

Finally August 30th came.  I had the truck loaded up the night before, thanks to Tom's parents and brother.  I worked that morning, said goodbye to work, picked up the dogs and headed out!  I drove to Des Moines so I could see my parents before leaving.  Spent the night in Des Moines got up at 2:45am and hit the road.  It was me, the dogs, and the last of our stuff in the truck and the open road.  I had all intentions of staying the night in West Virginia or Kentucky, but was making good time and wasn't tired and ended up driving all the way to North Carolina in one day.  I left Des Moines, Iowa at 3:20am and was in Tom's arms by 11pm that night.

Tom took this picture the next morning with the tag "Got my family back".  Melt my heart.

Yes I pretty much slept for a week straight after arriving in North Carolina.  You would have too if you'd just been through what I had the last 3 months.

So where are we now you ask?  Well, Tom is loving his fellowship.  It's a lot of work and a TON of hours, but it's what he wants to be doing so he is happy.  I came down with the hopes of being able to substitute teach but quickly realized that was not going to be a realistic option.  The unemployment rate in NC is above the national average which does not bode well for me.  I went to a temp agency a few weeks ago and the guy couldn't believe I had left a good job without having one in place.  Obviously that was not my plan douche.

Luckily though I was able to get a job and actually started this week.  I am working at a personal training studio as their office manager / website social media administrator.  It is quite perfect for me.

 It's weird though.  Our current reality is based on decisions we made when I was pregnant.  It's something I've struggled with.  Like the first time we walked into the apartment and I saw that second bedroom that was going to be for the baby.  Or when we were unpacking and I came across the small tub of stuff I had packed for the baby (old books of ours when we were kids and a stuffed animal).  It's those moments that still make it tough, but really overall we are doing pretty well.

Thanks again for all of your support.  I've missed you all and appreciate you sticking with me during my absence.  I promise I'm back now :)

XO XO,

Molly

A Lesson From Bambi

*I've been debating whether or not to say anything...I don't like conflict or confrontation.*

We all remember the cute little deer named Bambi who stole our hearts in the animated movie.  There is a specific scene in that movie where a little bunny named Thumper tries to teach Bambi words.  He teaches him the words bird and flower.  As Bambi gets more confident in using his words he accidentally calls a skunk flower.  Thumper laughs at Bambi, but is quickly reprimanded by his mother who asks him, "what did your father teach you this morning?"  And Thumper replies, "If you can't say something nice, don't say nothing at all."

I believe we all need to take a moment to remember the lesson little Thumper taught us.  It seems like lately people are forgetting how hurtful words can be, or how ignorant they can sound if they speak before they think.

I first want to say I am not pointing fingers at any specific people or using this post as a way to confront people without actually confronting them (there is a term for this but I can't think of what it is).  Believe me, I've confronted people already.  I second want to say I often do not think before I speak and am sorry if this has caused you any hurt.  I know I eat my words a lot, and sound ignorant a lot and I am working on it.  Thirdly and lastly I want to say that yes, I would much rather hear the truth from someone rather than something nice.  For example, I would much rather hear "Molly your house smells like dog" so I can fix it rather than people saying my house smells good but really they are holding their breath.  Get it???

Ok, so the reason for all of this.

Since the announcement of Duke people keep asking about our living / moving / my job / etc. situations and to be honest we haven't even talked about it.  Before match day we talked about many, many, many different scenarios.  Would we sell our house, would we rent our house, would Tom move and I stay, would we both go, and the list went on and on.  We never made any decisions, but kind of felt like since the fellowship is only a year I might stay and Tom might go.  Many factors go into this decision (that hasn't been made yet) one of which is the dogs.

Because the fellowship is only a year we obviously wouldn't purchase a new home, but instead try and rent an apartment or house.  Many Most rental places do not allow you to have dogs.  If they do it is like one dog under 50 pounds if that, so having 2 dogs over 50 pounds puts us at a huge disadvantage.

Lately, as I've explained our situation I've gotten a wide variety of responses / opinions.  Most ranging from, "Wow I don't know if I could be away from my husband for a year!" to "He'll be super busy anyway you might as well stay."  Those kinds of responses are great.  The responses like, "Why don't you just take your dogs back to the shelter you got them from, then your problems will be solved" and "Can't you just kennel your dogs for the year" are not great.  Seriously people?!?!?  You obviously do NOT know Tom or I very well to suggest something like that.

First of all, we rescued both of our dogs from Shelters.  They both had been abused and still show signs of it when scared.  We've worked really hard to get them where they are today, and honestly they are a part of our family.  They've learned to trust and love us, and we've learned to trust and love them.  I can't imagine taking a shower and not having Rocky laying on the bath mat next to me, or Addie licking my hand in the morning after she hears me press snooze one to many times.

Yes I know I bitch and moan about them, and yes they drive me crazy half the time, but so does Tom and I wouldn't send him back to the shelter just to make my life easier.  I love him and I love them and getting rid of them is NOT an option.

Opinions and honesty are appreciated when helpful and realistic but let's all remember, "If you can't say something nice, don't say nothing at all."  Because hearing "get rid of your dogs" makes me sad and is not nice.

And really, who could get rid of these sweet babies???

Yes I realize they are dogs and not humans, but I believe they have feelings just like we do.  I could never let them down after all this and send them back to a Shelter or Kennel for that matter.

XO XO,

Rocky and Addie's Mom

P.S. please remember this is ONE factor in a bucket of many that will determine what Tom and I feel is best for OUR marriage, and OUR situation.  Thank you to those of you who have been supportive and have listened, Tom and I both really appreciate it.

The Verdict Is In...thank God the wait is over

Well my friends, the day we've been waiting for is here and we have very very good news.  I am very happy / proud to announce that Tom matched at Duke University in North Carolina!!!!!  He flip / flopped between Iowa and Duke being his #1 choice so he is extremely happy.  Thank you all for your prayers and support.  We truly felt a strong presence with us today.

Now it's time to celebrate!!!!!


XO XO,
The Newest Blue Devils Fan Molly


Oh and because you are all so sweet and are asking about Tom's friend, Maria.  She matched at UCONN her #1 choice.  We are all very proud!

Tomorrow, Tomorrow, I Love Ya, Tomorrow, You're Only a Day Away

Just like the little red-headed Annie sang, I too can't wait for tomorrow.  Even more so I think, Tom can't wait for tomorrow.  Now you may be wondering, what is tomorrow?  And that would be a valid question.  We haven't talked about it much lately around here because we've just been sitting around waiting for tomorrow.

Tomorrow is match day.  Tomorrow is the day Tom finds out if, when, and where he will be doing a Sports Medicine Fellowship.  Tomorrow is the day I've been dreading / anxiously waiting for since July.

When going through match day for residency it was much different.  Tom felt very confident that he would indeed match.  The Medical school put on a huge party for the actual match process.  Tom received an e-mail a few days prior letting him know he did indeed match.  Everyone was going through it together.  We had an inkling we would be moving out of state.

This time...a whole different ballgame.  Tom does not feel 100% confident he will match.  There is no party except the one we are throwing at our house for him and Maria (who is also going through match day).  Tom didn't and won't receive an e-mail confirming he matched before tomorrow to ease that part of the process.  Only one other person in his program is going through it with him.  We have no idea where he will end up.

To say we are a bit nervous / on edge is a complete understatement.  The other night I just started screaming at Tom for no reason what-so-ever, then went to buy him beer and started crying.  I'm nuts.

I struggle with the idea that in one moment I will be happy, nervous, excited, sad, and shocked.  I struggle with the concept that this is ALL for Tom and not me, I mean yes, it is about me a little but I need to make sure if I am sad about where he ends up even if it is a great spot I let him be happy and not make it about how I'm feeling.  Or vice-versa if he's upset about the outcome and I'm happy.  I don't know I just need to make sure I let him feel how he's feeling and not make it about me.  I struggle often with the, "It's all about me" thing.  I'm like a little kid.  Oh Lord, I just hope tomorrow I can be an adult.

So, tomorrow...please keep us in your thoughts and prayers.  I know this isn't some life threatening procedure, but it is a BIG deal to us and we could use all the good thoughts we can get.  My prayer for tomorrow is this:  Please let Tom match, please help me be a good and supportive wife to Tom no matter what the outcome may be.

I'll make sure to let you all know (after family) what the outcome is.  Thank you all for your support throughout this entire process.

XO XO,
Nervous Stomach in Knots Molly


The way the match process works, as I understand it, is as follows:

• You apply to programs (Tom applied to 77,000 I can't remember the actual number but it was more than 20)
• You receive interview requests (Tom received interviews at all the places he applied to except 2)
• You choose which interviews to accept (Tom accepted and went on 10 interviews: University of Minnesota, University of Iowa, Duke University, University of North Carolina, Moses Cone, Maine, University of Kentucky, Oklahoma City, Ohio State University, and Toledo.)
• You rank the programs and they rank you (basically Tom went through each program he interviewed at and had to decide his first, second, third, and so on choice.  The programs do the same with all the people they interviewed.)
• You submit your rank list and the programs submit their rank list
• A computer program matches the lists up (for example if Tom ranked Iowa #1 and Iowa ranked him #1 that would be a perfect match and he would go there.  It gets dicey when Tom ranks Iowa #1 and they rank him #2 but the person Iowa ranked #1 ranks Iowa #2.  Its super confusing.  The part that makes Tom so unsure about matching is all 10 programs could have ranked him high, but if he didn't rank them close to the same they might wash out and other people might get the spots.)
• Match Day (Tom doesn't know if he will get an e-mail or what or when but tomorrow is the day he finds out.)

Shoulda, Coulda, Woulda. An Update on Fellowship, and a request.

Many people dream of being a popstar or some sort of celebrity. As long as I can remember I wanted to be a teacher. But today, I realized where my true talents lay...travel planning. Yep, I'm pretty sure I should have been a travel agent (do those even exist anymore? I guess if I even have to ask that question its a good thing I didn't become one, but that's besides the point).  My qualifications for being a travel agent = overly organized, lots of travel experience, know where to look for cheap flights, and thats it really, but seriously what more does it take?  Oh yeah patience (which I sort of lack) but hey 3 out of 4 isn't bad!

A portion of the spreadsheet I've made to try and find the cheapest flights.

The folders I've made for Tom to take with him with all flight and car rental info written on the outside and all paperwork inside with maps to all the places he will have to drive.

 Anyway, I guess it's a good thing Tom is getting a lot of invitations for interviews, but the scheduling is really taking a toll on us.  It seems like right when we think we have some sort of schedule figured out another program calls and wants to schedule an interview on the exact day two others want interviews.  We've had to do a lot of scheduling and rescheduling.  I feel like for every two flights I've booked I've cancelled three.  Yes you read that right.
It's really been hard for Tom to get the time off from his actual job RESIDENCY (because we have to remember interviewing for fellowships isn't his actual job) but luckily his co-workers are supportive and have been willing to trade call shifts and moonlighting shifts.  I think I'm going to have to do a lot of baking for all the people that helped out, especially Tom's residency coordinator who has really changed Tom's schedule around.  I may even have to pull out the Susie Langwith trick of baking a pie to suck up :) (Love you Mom!)
Anyway to update you all on where we are with interviews...You'll remember Tom applied to 23 different fellowships.  He has currently heard back from 14 all inviting him for an interview.  He has been on two (Minnesota & Toledo) and has scheduled 7 more.  He has declined 5 interviews so far.  Remember this is the time we really weed out places.  Tom is very satisfied with the response he has gotten and I of course am very proud of him.  He deserves this so much and I just hope it all works out the way he wants.  It's really been and continues to be quite stressful.  In fact just last night he arrived home (at 11:31pm) from Toledo.  He then had to be to work this morning at 7am.  He is so exhausted already and this is just the beginning.
So, to our request...please pray for us.  Pray that we can stay focused, healthy, well rested, and sane.  Oh, and also pray that we don't have to deplete our savings for this.  Thankfully we have very supportive parents who are always willing to help out, but this is quite extreme.  We really appreciate all of your thoughts and prayers and can't wait to celebrate with you in January when we find out where the next phase of the crazy thing we call life leads us.
I'll continue to keep you all updated as the interviews go on.

We Killed a lot of Trees (not by choice)

As most of you know Tom is in his last year of residency.  As exciting as that sounds, its actually a bit scary because now the question is asked "What are you going to do next?"  And this time he actually gets to answer for himself.  So, when the question was asked of Tom, "what are you going to do next?", he said "a Sports Medicine Fellowship".  My jaw probably hit the floor.  I was thinking I would hear the word "JOB" come out of his mouth, but of course my lovely, wonderful, hardworking, always in the middle of a project, never sitting still husband wanted to further his education!  Really this shouldn't be a shock to me, but I was definitely ready to live out my Real Housewives of NYC life and be a stay at home...well...a stay at home mom to the dogs I guess :) (not that that would EVER happen!)
So, as any supportive wife would do, I got on the Sports Med bandwagon.  Tom met with his advisor multiple times going through each individual fellowship program one by one narrowing them all down to 24 choices (yes, I did say narrowing).

*Side note: Fellowships are very competitive.  There is only ONE in Minnesota and it only accepts THREE people a year!*

He then brought them all home for us to go over together.  They ranged from Maine down to North Carolina over to California and everything in between.  We talked about where we would like to live, and ultimately what kind of Sports Medicine did Tom want to practice?  Division 1, high-school, Professional, clinic, etc., etc.  I of course could have cared less what he said after I found out there was a chance at Iowa City.  I mean come on, is there really any place better?!?  GO HAWKS!  I really listened to all he had to say about each program and took in all the positives and negatives.  We then ranked places solely on where we might like to live.  The list looked something like this:

1.Iowa

2.Maine

3.California

4.Wisconsin

5.North Carolina

6.Minnesota

I was thinking, "great we've narrowed it down from 24 to 6!"  Oh man, was I seriously mistaken!  Let's just say we finally mailed the applications out yesterday and 23 amazing schools will get to carefully read glance through Tom's application.  Yup, you read that right.  We took one out.  ONE!  and the only reason we took it out was because we initially thought it was in Kansas City, but later found out it was in the middle of no where Kansas and Tom knew I wouldn't go for that!

Now, you may be thinking, what does all this have to do with killing a bunch of trees???  Well, if any of you have ever applied to any sort of higher education you know the amount of paper involved, but this by far exceeded any I've ever seen.  Probably because normal people only apply to 1 or 2 places but whatever.  Consider this:

9 page application

2 page CV (resume)

Transcript

Copies of publications

Personal Statement

3 Letters of Recommendation

Dean's Letter

Copy of Medical License

Copy of Board scores

and probably 10 other things I am forgetting

All of this to 23 different schools equals half of a National Forrest!  We literally went through 3 reams of paper in one night!

The silver lining in all of this is, we're done! off the hook for a little bit.  The next step will be interviews, ranking, and match day!  OH JOY!  Can you sense the excitement in the Mullin household???  YAY for furthering our education!

P.S. I meant to take a picture of all the paper, but got too excited when I saw the finish line and just sealed those envelopes SHUT!